


The Heart of the Operation

by EnchantedbookLover18



Category: NCIS
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Drama & Romance, F/M, Feelings Realization, Minor Violence, Other, Pre-Relationship, Psychological Drama, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-17 12:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16516772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnchantedbookLover18/pseuds/EnchantedbookLover18
Summary: It started out as a quiet day at the office but quickly turned into a highly dangerous undercover operation for Ellie Bishop. Nick is not too happy about his partner's new assignment...





	1. The Heart of the Operation - Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [J & H](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=J+%26+H).



> Hello there! So I'm new to this whole fanfiction writing but I've always loved to read them though. And also I'm no Native speaker so if I've made any mistakes or if there's something else you'd like to comment on, feel free to do so!   
> I had this idea forming in my head so I thought I'd just write it down and...there it is!   
> All of these very good fanfics in the Ellick fandom have inspired me, so thank you guys! I hope you enjoy! :)

**The Heart of the Operation – Part One**

It started out as just another ordinary day at the office. That's how it had been for the last couple of days after they closed a major case which led to a drug boss in prison. Although it was highly unusual, neither of them would complain.  After six weeks of working day and night, they could use a little time to rest. Besides, the paperwork wouldn't get done by itself.

After stopping by the coffee shop with Kasie to get some hot brew and a few of these delicious cronuts, Ellie now set at her desk trying to get some order into her case files. Buried in papers and mumbling her candy, that's how McGee found her when he walked out of the elevator. “Morning, Bishop,” he said, chuckling. “Uh, McGee ! Good morning. Didn't notice you got in. Just doing some paperwork.” “Yeah, so I 've noticed.” He dropped his bag beside his desk and appeared right to her left side. “What's that? It smells amazing...” Ellie laughed. “Oh, you want some? They're cronuts. Really delicious. Kasie and I went for a coffee before work. Thought I could get to know her a little, since she's still pretty new and wanted to  know more about our team _and Gibbs_.” Just as McGee wanted to reply, something else caught their attention, or rather someone. Nick Torres entered the bullpen, all shimmy and cheerful, humming one of his cheesy songs. Tim and Ellie could barely hold back their laughter – he hadn't noticed them yet. “Morning, Nick. Having a good day already?” Bishop asked. “Oh! Morning, guys. What are you up to?” he asks grinning at Ellie. “Bish, you should know, getting to see you in the morning always makes my day.” Shaking her head, but laughing, Ellie answered, “Very funny, Nick, very funny. Usually you're only half as cheerful as you are now. Just saying.” “Must be because I know who's going to offer me one of these delicious sweets...,” he said joining Tim at Ellie's desk, his smile brighter than ever. McGee only shook his head at these two seeing some resemblance to Ziva and his former colleague and best friend Tony. He wouldn't say anything though, at least not yet. They should figure this out for themselves first. But he was sure that Gibbs would notice sooner rather than later as well, somehow he always knew before everybody else did. Must be a special gift. Speaking of Gibbs, their boss just entered the bullpen returning from Vance's office for sure, for he looked as grimly as usual after a meeting with the director. “Morning, boss. Everything alright? Do we have a new case?” McGee asked. Being the senior field agent gave him the ability to ask before Gibbs could order them to a crime scene, or so he thought at least. “Kind of. Meeting in MTAC. Now. All of you. Vance is already waiting.” The three agents shared a confused look. Shrugging, Ellie stood up, taking her cronuts and coffee, she headed for the stairs, only waiting for the others to join her. “You know what this is about?” she asked Tim. “No, I've got no idea.” He simply replied.

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“Two women were found dead in an alley near a bar on Navy Yard. Apparently they had been reported missing by their families. All of that happened in a period of two weeks. The FBI investigated, they even send some undercover agents as customers to `The Ocean's Heart` but didn't get any results. Yesterday a third victim was found at almost the same spot, she matches the others: young, blonde, attractive and apparently center of the male attention. Only difference, and that's where we come in, she was a Navy lieutenant. According to her friend she was flirting with some guys before her friend lost track of her. They searched everywhere but it wasn't until four days later that an employee found her dead behind the bar. Dr. Sloane believes that our killer is a male sociopath who is going to kill again, soon. But, Jack, explain for yourself.“ Director Vance nodded toward Jacqueline “Jack” Sloane. “Alright, thank you, Leon. Based on the little information we have on the murderer, I'd say he is a very dangerous sociopath, with a mission to murder young, beautiful women who are probably also successful, in both their jobs and their relationships (or hook-ups, to say the least). He most likely had to struggle with being bullied in high school and getting rejected by the girls at school, most definitely by his crush. He may have some unresolved mother issues but considering the very few information we got, I'd just say: he's highly dangerous and definitely going to kill again very soon.” Jack looked at each of them but her gaze seemed to have stopped a little longer on Ellie. “Oh, and before I forget to mention this. After he kidnapped these women from the bar somehow (that part is up to you to figure out), he tortured but didn't rape them before he ultimately killed and dropped them behind the bar again. Not that this makes it somehow better.” After Sloane's briefing about the mental health of their serial killer, Gibbs revealed more details of the tasks. “ Considering the failed attempts of FBI to solve this case we are now going to take the lead. There is only one female person in HQ that perfectly fits the killer's pattern. Although it is highly dangerous we have to send a potential victim in who lures him out into the open.” He looked at Ellie; there may have been a slight hint of worry crossing his face. “You've got to be the one, Bishop. Despite nobody else matching, I know that you're also very capable of taking care of yourself and now you get the chance to prove yourself just like you've always wanted.” At first Ellie thought her hearing was playing tricks to her than she exhaled deeply, nodding towards Jack and thanking Gibbs and the director for this opportunity. On the inside she was almost screaming happily, she could barely hold it together trying not to sound too happy about this assignment. Her first solo undercover operation! Looking at the others smiling, she thought she had noticed the slightest hint of anger and...worry crossing Nick's face. McGee although he did look worried very openly, like a sort of big brother would do, was the only one smiling back at her.

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“Remember, keep calm. And you know what you've got to say if anything goes sideways?” “Yes, McGee, I remember. You've just told me. I'm not stupid. 'Abby is coming back.' Oh, damn, I hate to admit it but it still hurts a little saying that although I now she’s got to do this. I still miss her” “I know. Me too. It’s probably the reason this is our signal phrase.” The two agents smiled sadly and fondly at each other. They stood in the lab in front of the computer next to Kasie, their new genius forensic scientist, making up a background story for Bishop since she'd have to go undercover first thing in the morning. Kasie would also have to erase all of Ellie's NSA/NCIS-related personal files and other traces she might've left on the Internet. “Alright, I think that's all. Neither in NSA nor in NCIS database did an Eleanor Raye Bishop ever exist. Now you’re only known as a famous local journalist and former prom queen who loves to go dancing and has a lot of, might I say, fake social media friends. Anything else you need me to do?” Lifting an eyebrow the intelligent and also youngest member of the extended team Gibbs turned around to face her colleagues. “That'll be all. Thanks, Kasie. Great work!” Ellie smiled at her feeling a little off. She couldn't deny being happy about this new solo assignment. Even if it was a highly dangerous she finally got the chance to prove what she was capable of. However, witnessing how easy it seemed to erase a person's whole life, made her feel uneasy and sad.

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_Flashback_

“Nick, stop!” Ellie called after him. After gladly accepting the newest assignment, she had just seen him leaving MTAC. So she decided to run after him, not knowing what else to do. He seemed angry and she just couldn’t let him leave like that; going all “lone wolf”, shutting down and building walls around himself again. Nick was headed towards the elevator. She reached him just in time before he could take off. “Ellie, listen, I don't want to talk about it.” She couldn't accept that, so all she did was pressing the emergency stop button. He looked at her, confused...and not all angry. That wasn't what she'd expected. She thought he'd stormed out because he was angry that she happily accepted the assignment and he didn’t get another chance to go undercover. But he didn't look angry. He just seemed...worried. Yeah, he was worried. But about what? About her? “Look, Nick. I don't know what's going on but you've got to tell me. We're partners, remember? Partners tell each other stuff.” She silenced trying to find the right words. “It'll be fine, Nick. I'm going to be ok. I'm just going in there, doing my job and badass solving this case and catching the murderer. Why do you think I can’t do this? I thought you trusted me. I'm good at what I do. I've done this before, not like you of course, but I've been undercover with Tim and with _you_.” “Oh believe me, I know how badass you are. That's not the problem. Even though I do have much more experience,” he swallowed, “I’m just afraid something could happen to you. I wouldn't want to have to find a new partner.” He faked a smile. She couldn't make up her mind: punch him or hug him first? “It'll be alright. Besides, you'll be practically by my side all of the time. What could possibly happen then, having a knight in shining armor by my side?” Nick smiled at her, sadly but he did. They took the elevator upstairs settling their disagreement for now. Sharing a brief look, exchanging a quick glance, then they headed towards the others. They never had time to talk about it after that. Just sharing reassuring but also sad smiles. She could tell that he was still worried although he didn't mention it. She also saw him staring angrily at Gibbs once or twice when he thought nobody would notice.

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After two days of being undercover as local journalist Malory Wilson, flirting with weird guys and dumbasses, she could barely stand Nick grumbling over her earwig anymore. She had spread the word about writing an article about the “Lady killer of The Ocean's Heart” hoping someone would swallow her decoy. Only minutes after she stepped inside the bar for the first time a guy approached her droning on at her for the next thirty minutes trying all of his pick-up lines on her. Meanwhile she had a hard time not reacting to Nick's arrogant and sarcastic comments on these guys. “Really, that's all he came up with? You're not actually buying this, are you, Ellie?” Although she knew he was right, she would never have told him that. His ego was already as big as it can get. Besides, she had to bear all of these cheesy grins and worse pick-up lines if she wanted to catch the bad guy. But Nick wouldn't stop talking until she snapped at him because she's had enough of his sharp comments on flirting back. It was her job for god's sake! He seemed almost jealous. At the end of her second day undercover the bartender passed on a message for her. Someone who claimed to have information about the kidnappings wanted to meet her outside the bar. In spite of Nick's objection, she insisted on going alone. She was still undercover after all. And honestly, after two days of rejecting these pitiful idiots and getting no new information she was actually glad for some diversion. But maybe she should have been more careful, maybe going to meet some stranger in a dark alley while a serial women killer was on the loose was too reckless even supposing it was a real witness.

“Okay, I'm almost there. Nick, you there?” Ellie made her way through the bar, slowly because a lot of people were packed in here apparently fascinated by a dangerous murderer waiting in a bar to catch his next victim. People were crazy after all. “Yes, sure, I would never leave you. I still think I should come with you. This is too dangerous. I'm worried about you, Ellie. You're just the type that scumbag wants. And by the way: where is your gun, B?” “Oh, you'd love to know that, wouldn't you?” “Uh-huh, yeah, I would. I mean with that dress you're wearing it must be difficult to hide a gun, right? How do women do that?” “Well, Nick, guess we have special powers men don't have.” She grinned to herself. There was no way she would tell him where she hid her gun now. This was too much fun. “I'm outside now. Uh it's dark, no lights nearby. Guess I'm just going to wait here for a moment.” “Dark. Great. You're trying to freak me out, aren't you?” “Come on, Nick, it's probably just a local who wants to spread gossip or if we're lucky it's a potential witness to one of the kidnappings. So calm down, Nick. I'm going to be fine. And as you should know, I'm very much capable of taking care of myself. Besides, since we've been here nothing unusual happened. So there’s nothing to worry about.” She could hear him curse and grumble over her ear piece but she couldn't understand what he was saying.

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Just as she turned to look around the corner, Ellie heard somebody approaching her from behind. She reached for her weapon on the inside of her left boot. But she didn't get that far – somebody took her arm and twisted it around her back. At the same time she was forced to the ground by a foot into the back of her knee. She gasped. Normally Ellie wouldn't have had a problem handling herself. After all she was a very capable and, despite being not very tall, strong NCIS agent. But this time, she didn't really have time to clearly think about it. The person who attacked her was taller and stronger than her. Before she could bundle all of her strength to defend herself, she felt something pressed against her mouth. She struggled with her attacker, trying to get his hand off of her mouth. The last thing Ellie thought she had heard was Nick's voice in her ear, then there was only darkness and silence.

While Nick made his way through the bar ignoring her plan to do this on her own, he thought about what he'd do to the scumbag or anybody else who would try to hurt her. He knew she was a strong and fierce woman, after all she had been through it was crystal clear to him how tough she was. They had been through a lot together. He knew Ellie could stand her ground and fight. Damn, they've had fights themselves just for practice. Subconsciously, Nick Torres knew that Eleanor Bishop was totally capable of defending herself. But he felt this irrational need to protect her against all the bad criminals in the world. That's the real reason why he didn't want her to go undercover. Sure, they'd been undercover together back in the day as Charlie and Luis, but there was a difference between last time and today. Now she was on her own, basically all alone. Last time he had been by her side, always there to protect her and keep her out of trouble. He'd rather be the one to get into trouble instead of Ellie. Tough, smart and breathtakingly beautiful Ellie. So when he heard her gasp and cough over his earwig, he could feel his heart sink in his boots before it skipped a beat and then began to race even more rapidly in his chest...


	2. The Heart of the Operation - Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ellie got kidnapped Nick and team Gibbs try everything to get her back...

The Heart of the Operation – Part Two

**Ellie**

Ellie woke up in a dark, cold room. At first she thought it was all just a dream, but then reality kicked in. She remembered fighting against…a big hand covering her mouth, she’d felt a knee pressing against her leg. After that everything had gone dark.

“Damn, what happened? How did I get myself into such a predicament again?” she thought. “I should’ve listened to Nick…Oh no, Nick! He must be devastated. I hope he doesn’t go into his dark place again, not because of me.” Ellie could feel the tears running down her face. She was more worried about him than she was about herself. She knew Nick, knew that he would try everything in his power to get her back. The same as she’d done everything in her power to avenge Qasim’s death. If necessary, he would risk his own life for Ellie’s. Although she admitted to herself that she’d do the exact same thing if he had gotten kidnapped.

Ellie tried to fight back the tears that were still filling her eyes. She had to be brave, she couldn’t give up. She owed it to Nick and her family to keep fighting as long as humanly possible.

Ellie chocked, her mouth felt dry and it felt like she had a lump in her throat. She could hardly swallow. Silence was surrounding her but in the distance she could make out a dull grinding or squealing sound. Trying to stand up she suddenly felt dizzy and almost stumbled over some gravel on the ground.

Out of the blue someone threw open the door to her prison. “The killer,” she thought in horror.

“Look who’s finally awake, Sleeping Beauty herself.” A tall man wearing dark clothes and a mask walked into the room. Behind him she could make out a dim light but it wasn’t enough to see where he’d come from. He had a vicious grin on his face.

Although Ellie didn’t trust her voice, she was able to say, “If you come closer or touch me, I’ll kill you!”

The killer laughed at her. “Oh, really? I don’t think so, blondie. We’re all alone out here, nobody will hear your screams and so far, it doesn’t seem as if anybody’s looking for you,” he smirked. “We’re going to have a lot of fun together.”

Suddenly he came closer and attacked her. He slapped Ellie in the face and kicked her in the ribs. They struggled; he was a lot stronger than her but she managed to kick him in the balls and scratch his face. But all of a sudden she felt a harsh pain in her upper arm and then he swung a fist in her face.

Her sight became blurry and although she tried to fight back her head was spinning like hell and she had to surrender. Holding her hands up to cover her face so he wouldn’t kick her again, Ellie sat down on the cold ground. She closed her eyes and eventually dropped off to sleep. Before she fainted Ellie thought, “What the hell did he inject me?”

**Nick**

Only minutes after Torres had called Gibbs to tell him Ellie got kidnapped he had started to lock the bar down. Ever since the NCIS team had joined him, McGee and Torres had begun to interrogate the customers. So far they had no new evidence; nobody seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary.

The guy Nick currently spoke to got on his nerves. “So I saw that hot chick at the bar; skinny, blonde and hot as hell…” Nick couldn’t stand that douchebag, Brian Connors.

Torres interrupted him, “Come on. Let’s focus on the important part. Please answer my question, Mr. Connors.” Nick tried really hard to stay calm.

“Well I saw that chick at the bar, went over to talk to her and began to try my moves on her. Ya know all the ladies fall for that: Prince Charming who anticipates them every wish. They love it. One hour tops and they beg me to take ‘em home with me.” The witness grinned mischievously, looking at Nick as if they’d just shared a big secret and were buddies now.

“Yeah, I hit on her and I’m pretty sure I would’ve taken _her_ home in less than an hour.” While the guy grinned even more at the thought of hooking up with Ellie, _his_ partner, Nick wasn’t able to hold himself back anymore. Before the dumbass could get his head down, Nick punched him right in the face. Really hard.

“Damn. That feels good,“ Nick thought satisfied. Tim appeared next to him immediately, trying to keep him from hitting Connors once more. “Geez, Nick.” Tim shook his head at his partner, a worried look on his face. “What happened, Torres? Are you alright? Why did you attack that guy?”

Before Nick could think about replying to Tim’s question, Gibbs walked through the back door. He looked fretfully at the scene in front of him.

Gibbs and Kasie had been processing the crime scene. Normally Gibbs wouldn’t have called Kasie out of her lab to process a crime scene but “extraordinary situations require extraordinary measures”. Kasie had been occupied with searching for anything Ellie or the kidnapper could’ve dropped there. But so far, she hadn’t found anything unusual. Gibbs, however, had tried to find any possible witnesses or hidden cameras but there weren’t living a lot of people in the area. Despite that he had send some agents out to knock on the neighboring doors to ask if they had seen anything. When he had been heading towards Kasie, a noise from inside had distracted him.

“What were you thinking, Torres? Starting a fight with a witness…” Gibbs gave Torres one of his typical Gibbs-stares.  Only seconds earlier Gibbs had stormed in to separate Nick and the witness who had just started to fight back.

“Sorry, boss. Oh, right, Rule #6. Never apologize…Connors provoked me. Kept telling me how he would’ve hooked up with Ellie if she hadn’t gotten kidnapped. I couldn’t stand him anymore. I know it wasn’t right but it did feel good, Gibbs. I mean, come on, he deserved it.”  In the meantime Nick had gotten an ice pack for his now swollen knuckles.

“Maybe. But if you can’t get your act together I have to take you off the case. We can’t help Bishop if your thoughtless actions keep us from working.” He knew it was harsh but he had to keep in mind the bigger picture – getting his female agent back. “Go outside. Calm down, pull yourself together and if you’ve had enough time to clear your head, come back and do your work.” His words left no room for discussions, Nick got that. “If you’re not able to work, go home, Torres. I can’t use you like this. I know you’re worried about Bishop, we all are, but you won’t get her back like this – starting random bar fights.”

Nick Torres had instantly known his boss was right. But his heart was cracking a little at Gibb’s words anyway. It felt like he could breathe a little less every minute he had to spend without his partner. “My main focus should be to find out where that sociopath had taken my Ellie…Wait, what? Not _my_ Ellie.” He almost laughed at himself. That was ridiculous, wasn’t it? “No, I obviously meant _just_ _Ellie._ My tough and incredibly beautiful partner, Ellie.” Nick struggled to order his thoughts. He didn’t even dare to think about what she could be going through right now or that the first forty-eight hours after the abduction matter the most. He just couldn’t. If he’d allow himself to think about that, he wouldn’t be able to solve this case. Nick wouldn’t dare to risk the best chance he had to bring Ellie back home.

He had to push aside the thoughts about the nonsense that Connors guy had said about Ellie. Besides having been undercover, she’d never have gone home with a wannabe chick magnet like _him_. The only thing that mattered was to get her back. He would fight for that. For the following twenty minutes, Nick had tried to pull himself back together - for _her_ \- remembering what Gibbs had said.

“You won’t get her back like this – starting random bar fights.” Nick kept hearing his boss’s voice in his ear. He had to do this for _her_ and for himself. “If anything ever happens to Ellie, it would be on me.” That’s what he’d thought right from the start. Now the only thing he could think about was how he would be responsible if she didn’t make it out alive. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Ellie, his partner and his best friend. Nick Torres would never let his partner down. Never.

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**Ellie**

While she woke up again Ellie detected that she must have been drugged. Realizing the basement was filled with daylight she rolled up her sleeves, following the slight pain in her arm to check for needle marks. There they were, in the crock of her right arm. Whatever that bastard had injected her must have knocked her down. Although she still felt a little fuzzy and her face and body were aching from the fight with her attacker, she tried to stand up. Grabbing on to the stones of the wall, Ellie noticed that her kidnapper, who was most certainly coming back soon, had chained her on her left leg so she couldn’t walk more than a couple of meters. The light came through a small window on her left side. As she tried to remember what happened she became conscious of the fact that she must’ve been down here for at least twelve hours, since the last time she had been awake it had still been dark outside.

She slowly managed to get underneath the window and, standing on the tip of her toes, saw the bright sun and the blue sky. There were some trees and what appeared to be train tracks in the distance. Ellie noticed a small path that seemed to lead around the house she was trapped in. Trying to get a better look around she couldn’t find a street sign or any helpful information about her current location. Ellie imagined hearing a noise in the distance, most certainly a train approaching. Sitting down again on the cold basement floor she felt devastated, angry at herself for getting kidnapped. But since she had realized that there was no way of getting out through the window, she felt the fear hitting her even harder than before, she feared for her life and she was worried about what would happen to her friends and family, but especially Nick, if she didn’t make it out alive. Because after all she was nowhere close to civilization and her kidnapper had killed three women already…

**Nick**

By the time Kasie had finished her report to Gibbs, admitting that she hadn’t been able to find anything at the crime scene other than one of Bishop’s heels and some traces of her blood, McGee stepped into the lab highly alert and breathless as if he’d been running.

“Boss, good you’re already here!” Tim said breathlessly almost choking at his own words. “I’ve found a new witness while processing the alley and the surrounding area again.”

“Calm down first, McGee. What do you got?” Gibbs said calmly not wanting to get his hopes up too high.

“It may be nothing but when I asked around in the streets if anybody had witnessed the kidnapping the other night an old creepy man came over to talk to me. He said he hadn’t been home that night but he admitted that he had placed a camera towards the street to keep an eye on his mostly female neighbors and the bar’s customers. He told me his camera might’ve caught something. I’m telling you, Gibbs, that guy’s a total weirdo and a stalker at the very least. But we actually may have the kidnapper on tape, boss. We may get Ellie back now!” Tim was so excited. After hours not finding anything substantial, he was totally exhausted but felt a glimpse of hope at the thought of getting his sister-like partner back.

“Good job, Tim.” Gibbs wouldn’t let his feelings interfere with his work. They thankfully had a new lead. He couldn’t lose another agent, one that was like a daughter to him. “McGee, you and Kasie go through the video tape and find out everything you can on our killer.” Gibbs was interrupted by his senior field agent.

“I’ve already done that once, boss. The camera caught a suspicious looking black van on tape. We’ve got partials of a license plate. It’s not much but I already sent it to Torres. Hopefully, Kasie and I can find out more though.” McGee looked excitedly at his boss although he had just dared to interrupt him. After all, finding Ellie was more important than anything else.

“Alright, good.” After dividing the tasks among the team members, Gibbs took the elevator upstairs to help Torres find all possible suspects. It was going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

“Agent Torres, I’ve been looking for you. I heard about the incident at the bar.” Jacqueline “Jack” Sloane appeared in front of Nick’s desk a concerned look on her face.

“Yeah, what about it?” The last thing Nick wanted to talk about was that _jerk_.

“I know, Ellie is your partner and you two obviously share a special bond after Reeves’ death but attacking a witness is not the solution, Nick.” Jack said hoping to somehow crack the walls Torres had built around himself again.

“So what? Do you want me to admit that I shouldn’t have smacked him? Fine. I shouldn’t have. But that jerk provoked me and he wasn’t helpful anyway,“ he replied almost resentfully.

“You should talk about it. About the thoughts that are running through you head right now. About _Ellie_.” Jack shot him a pointed look. “Don’t build these walls around yourself, Nick. Talk to us, we’re your family. We’re in this together,” Sloane said in a pleasing tone. She knew he wasn’t going to talk to her though. He was afraid of losing his partner. No one could fix that.

Just as Nick planned to ask Jack not to use her psychological tricks on him and tell her to _please_ leave him alone, Gibbs stepped out of the elevator. “Saved by the bell,” Torres breathed a sigh of relief. “I really don’t want to talk about my _damn_ feelings. I’d rather get shot in the ass than talk about my feelings for _her_.”

“Torres, we’ve got a new lead. Check your mails. An old man may have caught our kidnapper on tape. A black van disappeared from our crime scene at the time of the abduction driving suspiciously fast. McGee sent you partials of a license plate. He and Kasie are analyzing the video for more info right now. You and I are going to search for every possible car in the area of Virginia and then double-check every owner. I want background info on all possible suspects. Come on now, get to work!” Gibbs instructed him while heading towards his desk.

Nick had done like his boss had told him to. He’d sat down again and started running the license plates. After hours of worrying about Ellie and beating himself up for her abduction, he could finally feel a slight hint of hope again. The hope of getting Ellie back. There was no way he would give up now; he wouldn’t allow himself to sleep before he finally got his partner home safely. Nick Torres had to admit to himself that he couldn’t imagine a life without her. _Maybe_ he did have deeper feelings for his partner after all. But now was certainly not the time to think about that.

“I’m coming for you, Ellie,” he thought. “Don’t give up. We’ll bring you back home safely. I promise.”

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**Ellie**

She must have been asleep for a while because when she woke up Ellie found some rice cake and a bottle of water by her side.

“The sociopath wants to keep me alive a little longer,” she thought bitterly. “Probably so he can torture me a little more.” Ellie felt like laughing. It was so ironic that he kept her fed for now just so he could properly kill her later after he was finished with her.

Ellie had eaten the food anyway. She had been close to starvation at least beyond her means – somewhat twelve hours had passed since she’s had a proper meal. Usually she couldn’t even do without her snacks for more than two hours. Nick was the one who kept her fed during their stakeouts. He used to keep these delicious candy bars basically everywhere so he could give them to her whenever she was going hungry-crazy again.

“Nick,” Ellie sighed sadly. “I wish you were here.” Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the door cracking open. Her kidnapper had stepped into the room, madly smirking at seeing her awake.

She realized that he didn’t wear a black mask this time. “I guess this is it now. If he doesn’t care about exposing himself to me then he probably doesn’t plan on keeping me alive any longer.”

Strangely enough, she didn’t panic over these thoughts. Ellie was angry at this sick bastard for taking his unsolved mommy issues or whatever his deal was out on her and all of these other women. But she was also pissed at herself because she’d never had the courage to tell Nick the truth. She hadn’t told him what he really meant to her. And she was desperate and sad because she would never get the chance to say goodbye to her family and to tell them how much she loved them.

The offender came closer and when he started to kick her in the upper half of the body the pain hit her hard but she tried to push her emotions aside. Ellie had to stay strong.

He had already beaten Ellie up for at least an hour trying to get information about her real identity and the reason she had gone looking for him at the bar. But Eleanor Bishop refused to talk, only coughing and groaning sounds left her mouth.

It was getting harder and harder for her to stay conscious. He had kicked her in the stomach and she had felt some ribs crack. Ellie could feel tears and blood running down her face after he had slapped her. The only thing she was able to do was to keep her hands over her head in defense as long as possible. She didn’t have the strength to fight back anymore.

The killer laughed at the sight of tears running down her cheeks. He loved to see her suffer. Although they’d never met before, her bloody abductor projected all of his hatred onto Ellie. She had noticed that in the way he had looked at her while kicking and punching her, so full of hate and despair.

The next thing she knew he hit her so hard in the face that her head had been throwing back on the floor. The pain was everywhere and she couldn’t keep herself awake anymore. Before she fainted and drifted off to unconsciousness she hoped that he would kill her soon. Ellie didn’t think that her team would get there anytime soon and she couldn’t bear the all-consuming pain anymore.

The last thing she heard was a name. “Loraine,” the killer said as if talking to somebody else. “Loraine,” Ellie thought. “Who is Loraine?” After that, darkness surrounded her.

**Nick**

Nick hastily closed the car’s door behind him. “God,” he murmured to himself. “Please. Ellie has to be alive. Please…Ellie, don’t give up. Not now. The team is coming to get you.”

The traces had led them to a run-down farm outside Alexandria. They had hurried to get there not concerning about traffic light. When they’d finally reached their destination they had searched the area for possible traps. While McGee and Gibbs went to check upstairs, Nick searched downstairs for Ellie. Just as he was about to lose all his hope, he found a door that led to the basement.

“Gibbs,” he shouted. “Down here!” Nick could hear the others coming down again. But he didn’t want to wait that long. While he opened the door he could hear a voice talking from downstairs. It sounded male and _mad_. Before Gibbs or McGee could reach him, Nick had already taken the stairs to the basement.

“Ellie!” he shouted as soon as he caught sight of her. Nick felt relief going through his veins. Then he looked at that sick bastard who stood over her. As that son of a bitch was trying to hit Ellie again, Nick didn’t think about his next step. He just shot him in the leg and punched him in the face. While Nick saw the other man going down he rushed to Ellie’s side.

Nick’s eyes were now focused on Ellie. He didn’t even notice the team coming down. Taking her cheeks in his hands he whispered, “Ellie. Please, baby. Wake up.” Nick felt sick in the stomach as he saw the blood running down her face, the wounds on her face and her hands from fighting her attacker. She was still unconscious. “I would willingly kill that bastard right away,” he thought. “But Ellie is the most important thing right now. Besides, she’d rather want to see him rot in jail.”

“Ellie,” Nick gently shook her. There! She slowly tried to open the one eye that wasn’t swollen. “Nick,” Ellie whispered. “You’re here.” But before he could respond to her she sank back into unconsciousness...

 


	3. The Heart of the Operation - Part Three

It’s been two months since her team at NCIS had rescued Ellie from that sick bastard who had kidnapped her. She couldn’t quite remember the first days after that, probably because she actually didn’t wake up for two days and, of course, spent the following two weeks trapped in a hospital bed. The doctor had told her that the injuries she’d received were bad but after a few weeks of physical therapy she promised Ellie that she’d be able to use her arm and her jaw completely again. The breathing, which hurt her pretty bad due to the broken ribs, would get better too.

But Ellie had noticed that every doctor and physical therapist she spoke to wasn’t as concerned about her physical health as her mental health. After all, the physical injuries would heal pretty quickly but her wounds on the inside were much more concerning. If she’d refuse getting the help she so badly needed, they feared that she’d never get out of that dark place. Ellie had known that if she ever wanted to get back to work at NCIS, Jack Sloane, their internal therapist, wouldn’t let her get back while knowing that Ellie refused to seek help. She couldn’t keep important things that were dangerous for her mind to herself. So she’d done as they wanted her to. Ellie had met with a psychologist at the hospital first and then, after being discharged, she’d gone to her mandatory meetings with Jack for the next few weeks.

_“Ellie, I think we’ve talked about almost everything from the past two months but I know that there’s still something you’re not telling me. And for the last few weeks I’ve tried the best I could to use my Jedi mind tricks on you but you obviously didn’t fall for that. So here’s the thing,” Jack Sloane took off her glasses placing them on the table in front of her, “I know how badly you want to get back to work with your team, Ellie, but you’re my responsibility now and I fear that the things you’ve been hiding from me will get back at you at some point. And if that happens while you’re in the field, which is most likely, I would be putting you and the team at risk.”_

_Ellie’d known what would happen afterwards. Sloane would refuse to clear her for work and she would have to deal with more therapy sessions before she could even think about going back to work. She really didn’t want this but Ellie simply didn’t know how to put the thoughts and fears, she had tried so hard to push away, into words. Jack was right though, they’d talked a lot lately. And although Ellie had realized that talking was good for her mental health, there were still things she refused to talk about with anyone. But getting back to work meant she’d have to at least share a little bit with the forensic psychologist in front of her. “Jack…I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to talk about this.” She glanced at Jack who smiled reassuringly back at her._

_“Just try, Ellie. I know how hard it is when your past keeps haunting you, trust me. But if you bottle everything up inside of you it will bite you in the ass at some point as it did me. Give me something so I can at least put you at desk duty.”_

_“O-ok. Since I got out of the hospital I keep having these dreams.” Ellie’s voice was shaking. “I dream of the kidnapper and how he’d call me ‘blondie’ and then he’d hit me over and over again…” It was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do although she still hadn’t been entirely honest with Sloane._

Although it had been difficult for her to admit this, she was reassured that nightmares and flashbacks were a ‘normal’ symptom after a traumatic experience like hers. But she still felt stupid and weak. The old Ellie had dealt with watching her boyfriend being killed… and now these awful dreams kept her from sleeping. It made her sick to her stomach that this insane bastard had still power over her mind. Even though he would rot in his hell hole of a prison cell and she and the team would make sure he’d never get out of there. At least she got cleared to work after that. She was on desk duty for the first couple of weeks because Sloane was still not entirely convinced that Ellie could handle being in the field. And weekly meetings were still mandatory, the psychologist wouldn’t give up that easily after all. And Eleanor Bishop knew for a fact that Sloane had McGee and Torres keep an eye on her even though she hardly left the office. She could feel their worried and concerned stares on her.

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After they’d gotten Ellie to the closest hospital nearby Nick had never left her side. He had even refused to go to the cafeteria for a coffee so McGee or Gibbs had to make sure he got something to eat and drink. Nick had sat by her side on the hospital bed for hours and hours and waited for her to finally wake up again. He’d waited two days but watching her open the one eye that wasn’t swollen was worth all of it. After her release from the hospital he’d stayed at her apartment most of the time to make sure she got the rest she needed and to make sure she ate enough. He’d never thought that there would come a day when _he_ had to make sure Eleanor Bishop, the woman who could eat more than any grown man he knew and still look gorgeous as ever, got enough food. He went to the grocery store and cleaned her apartment although after a couple of days she would’ve been able to do the most necessary stuff herself. Nick had to admit that after the fear of losing her, he was just not ready to leave her side yet. Sometimes when they sat on her couch watching some cheesy movie he’d just look at her to make sure she was still there.

Nick knew that she got better every day and seeing Ellie sitting at her desk playing with the pencil in her hand while thinking hard about something did make him happy. But he couldn’t help the worry cursing through his veins. She seemed to be hiding something from them, from him, and talking to Sloane had just reassured him that deep down there was something bothering Ellie. It had probably something to do with her nightmares but he wondered why she refused to talk to Sloane. Of all the people she was the best person to talk about stuff like that being a forensic psychologist and all.

_Although Ellie had insisted on him leaving to get some rest at his own apartment, Nick had refused to leave her stating that he had everything he needed with him and that he felt comfortable staying on her couch. That’s where he laid when a noise woke him up in the middle of the night. Still half asleep he sat up and tried to make out where the noise came from, when he realized that it came from Ellie’s bedroom. Getting up and walking over to it he heard her mumbling incoherently. Nick could barely see in the dark but he was able to locate her anyway, noticing that she was turning from side to side and in fact still asleep. “Nightmare,” he thought. “I should wake her up before it gets worse.” He sat next to her on the bed, gently placing a hand on her shoulder and calling her name in a calming tone. He had to try harder before she finally woke up. Ellie was sweating and tears were streaming down her face but she didn’t seem to notice._

_“Hey, El, you’re okay. It was just a dream. You’re safe, I promise.” Nick was terrified; it was the first time that he actually realized that she must’ve been reliving her trauma._

_“Nick,” she whispered, curling into his arms and resting her head on his shoulders. She probably didn’t even realize what she was doing, but he didn’t mind. All he could think about was making her forget about all of the bad things she’d gone through and taking the pain away from her. They’d stayed like this for almost the entire night. Once she fell asleep again he had placed them in a more comfortable position._

_While he made coffee after getting up in the morning, she entered the kitchen. Her hair was a total mess and she looked still tired but smiled weakly at him anyway. Asking her how she felt, however, he realized that she couldn’t remember anything from last night. When she had woken up from her dream, she’d probably still been half asleep._

Nick remembered all of the times he woke up in the middle of the night because she had a nightmare. He’d also tried talking to her in the morning but she’d always refuse, saying that she was alright. Not wanting to push her to hard he had left it at that. Until one night, he just couldn’t bear it anymore. She was not alright and he knew it. That’s when they got into a big fight. Ellie got angry at him because he kept asking her about the nightmares which caused her to wake up in the middle of the night screaming like someone was chasing her. He was worried about his best friend and he wanted her to talk to him or anyone else if she didn’t feel comfortable talking to Nick, that’s what he told her. But Ellie kept pretending that she was fine, that these dreams where just a normal symptom and they’d go away soon. They both knew she was lying. After that incident she wasn’t comfortable with him being at her place anymore, so he left.

During the following days until she got back to work Nick came by every now and then, though, to check on her. He still cared deeply about his partner; he would respect her wish but he wouldn’t let her push him away so easily. It got colder between them though, they still made small talk and Nick also talked a little bit about the cases they’d been working on, but it wasn’t the same as before. There was this big elephant in the room that none of them had the courage to address. As Ellie came to the office again they talked to each other, but mostly when they had to. She still refused to talk to him, her best friend, and he was afraid of scaring her off even more every time he tried to talk to her.

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Now looking over at her desk where she sat solving some problem or researching info on a new victim, he had to suppress the urge to just go over there. It took every inch of him not to do so, not to hug her or shake her until she’d come to her senses.

Tim, who sat across from Ellie, had noticed the glares Nick kept sending her and the sadness in the other agent’s eyes. He had also noticed that the woman who was like a sister to him had lost her usual spirit, she ate less and there was none of the usual candy on her desk to be found. Jack Sloane had told him to keep an eye on Ellie as soon as she got back. The minute he saw her entering the bullpen he’d realized why. Ellie may have kept a smile plastered on her face but she couldn’t fool him. Tim saw that her face was paler than usual and, although she’d tried to cover it up, the shadows under her eyes were pretty obvious. He’d asked her if she was feeling better than the last time he and Delilah had visited and Ellie told him she was alright which he immediately knew was a lie. He was a highly skilled federal agent; he knew when somebody lied to his face, especially someone who he’d known for so long.

Nick had already noticed the looks Tim gave him every time he had been glancing at Ellie, which he incidentally thought had been discreetly. One time, Tim actually asked him, while they grabbed a cup of coffee, if Ellie was alright. Tim seemed to have noticed that Ellie was just pretending because she always kept a fake smile plastered on her face and rejecting food offered by her co-workers. He had seen the shadows under Ellie’s eyes which were pretty obvious. Apparently, Tim had tried talking to her after realizing that she behaved oddly and looked paler than when he’d last seen her while visiting with Delilah. But she only continued pretending that she felt fine, Tim, however, immediately knew it was a lie. Nick, who didn’t want to talk about her, because he couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling, only answered that they’d have to take her word for it if she said that she was alright.

Team Gibbs had finally finished their recent case when Tim asked Kasie and Jimmy out for drinks after work. They both agreed enthusiastically since all of them could use some time to let off some steam before they’d go home. Nick was immediately up for it as well, asking Ellie if she wanted to join them.

“Oh, uhm, no sorry, I can’t. There are some phone calls I have to take care of and they can’t wait. But have fun, guys.” Ellie knew no one would actually believe her lame excuse, but she really didn’t have the strength to act like everything was okay any longer than _this_. Usually it would have probably been her who came up with the idea to go out, but that was _Before_. Although she still loved her friends and co-workers dearly, now the chatter and laughter was just too much for her to take.

Deeply disappointed, Nick had left the office joining the others in the elevator. Ellie had said she needed to finish one report and then would go home herself. He knew it had been a lie, no phone call that late in the evening could actually be so important that she’d to ditch her friends. She had built high walls around herself and Nick had yet to figure out how to crash them without entirely destroying their friendship or what he had once thought could be more.

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Ellie cleaned up her whole apartment from the bottom to the top, even rearranging the furniture to clean underneath. The truth was she didn’t know what to do with her free time and cleaning had always helped her getting her thoughts straight and it calmed her down whenever she was upset. Ellie had lied before but the last thing she wanted to do was ruining her friends’ evening by putting her emotional garbage on their doorstep. Most of all she didn’t want to drag Nick down with her, he had been through enough already and after having been undercover for eight years he could finally live a normal life. At least as far as normal goes with a federal agent. Ellie didn’t want to ruin him.

She had just got off the phone with her mom who used to call her a couple of times a week. Her parents had been there after she had woken up in the hospital. If she had to guess, Ellie would say that Gibbs had called them after her rescue. Her father had to get back home a few days later, after he’d properly made sure that his daughter was in good hands and getting better. Barbara, her mother, however, refused to leave her daughter ‘all on her own’ as she exclaimed a little overdramatically. More than one week later, Ellie, with the help of Torres and Gibbs had finally been able to convince her mom, too, that she was well taken care of and that they’d call each other every week so her mother could make sure her youngest child was getting better.

Despite not being able to sleep Ellie just prepared to go to bed early when she heard a knock on her front door. Wondering who would visit this late she put the hair brush down on the chest of drawers and looked through the peephole. Nick. Nick stood in front of her door holding what appeared to be a couple of small takeout boxes.

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Nick had just been at the bar with Kasie, Jimmy and Tim when he’d felt the sudden urge to talk to Ellie. Kasie and Jimmy had left the bar early because Jimmy had promised Breena not to be home too late and he and Kasie had carpooled to work this morning. After they were gone Tim had finally addressed what both of them had been secretly thinking about the whole time after leaving the office.

“Okay, so what’s up with the two of you, man?” Tim couldn’t hide his curiosity. “Ellie keeps rejecting our offers to grab a beer after work and suddenly after months of constantly driving in together you two barely talk to each other.” The concern for his younger partner was evident in his voice too.

“I don’t know, Tim. It’s bad, really bad. Have you seen the shadows under her eyes? And she doesn’t even pester me about candy bars anymore.” Nick felt a weight getting off his shoulders he hadn’t even noticed was there. Finally there was someone he could talk to about his worries about Ellie. He hadn’t even realized how much he – a usually tough and cheery guy – actually needed to get this out. Before their argument Ellie would’ve been the one he’d talk to.

“Yeah, so I’ve noticed. Nick, I’m not blind, I’ve seen the way you look at each other. The two of you have gotten pretty close over the last couple of months. I know you must’ve been trying to talk to her but I actually believe that you should try again harder. You’re probably the only person who could get her to open up.” Tim didn’t mention that he actually felt like there was more going on between them than just being best friends. He had seen this before and he hadn’t liked the outcome. So he’d try his best to make them face whatever _this_ was and deal with it. But for that, they’d actually have to talk to each other again.

After that pep talk from McGee, Nick had left the bar to drive over to Ellie’s. That’s where he was now, after stopping by a few drive-in restaurants first, waiting for Ellie to open the door.

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“Nick, what are you doing here?” Ellie asked leaning against the door. Her hair was a mess and it seemed like he had disturbed her.

“Sorry, I know it’s late. Well, actually I’m not so sorry. But anyway, I needed to see you, El. Can I come in, please?” he gave her an almost shy smile hoping she wouldn’t reject him this time. “I also brought takeout from your favorite places all over town, didn’t know what you’d want to eat.”

Ellie couldn’t decide whether to ask him to leave again or to hug him. He had been bugging her the whole time and yes, they’ve had a fight. But she’d only tried to do the right thing. The truth was, she missed him. A lot. More than she’d like to admit. So she let him in.

They’d been sitting on the floor in front of her TV, eating the takeout Nick had brought along and watching some lame action movie. The minute he’d stepped foot into her apartment, Nick had noticed that she didn’t have the usual takeout boxes and other food on the counter. Besides realizing that Ellie had apparently cleaned her whole apartment, he couldn’t find any food lying around, not even candy. That worried him even more. Not eating much at work was one thing, although highly unusual for Eleanor Raye Bishop, but not even at home? There was a time when she couldn’t survive without a snack for more than an hour.

Neither of them had the courage to address the elephant in the room until Nick couldn’t take the awkward silence and unasked questions between them anymore.

“I’m so sorry, El. I didn’t mean to hurt you the other night. I know you’re going through a tough time right now but I thought we were best friends. I had to ask you about the nightmares…It’s just that I can’t watch you suffer anymore.” Nick took a deep breath. “When I stayed here after you got out of the hospital I heard you screaming. It was terrible. Never before in my life had I wished that I could take the pain away from someone. From you.” He swallowed hard hoping she wouldn’t cut him off. “I know you didn’t want to talk about it back then... and you probably don’t want to talk about it now.”

He was right, she didn’t want to talk about the pain she still felt sometimes or the nightmares that kept haunting her; how she had to relive these horrible days over and over again. But seeing the hurt look on his face and the pain that was evident in his appearance…She had never seen him like this before. The emotional pain he felt because of her…Ellie couldn’t interrupt him now that she saw how he was hurting. She was ashamed of herself for having been the reason for it.

“I’m responsible for what happened to you, Ellie. It’s all my fault, I should’ve been there. I should never have left you alone in the first place. I’m so sorry. I-I’m your partner, I should’ve been _there_ …” It was hard for him to admit the guilt and shame he felt. Nick didn’t even notice the hot tears which were silently streaming down his face. “I’m so damn sorry,” he quietly whispered not even being able to look at her.

Nick hadn’t just been desperately trying to convince her to open up to him about the trauma she had to relive every night in her sleep. He did feel responsible for his partner, sure, and the guilt he’d bottled up inside of him didn’t do any good either. But he was even more afraid of losing her than he’d ever been before. This time it was different. Undeniably, he had been afraid of losing Sofia back then. He’d loved her and she’d always have a spot in his heart but they were just kids. As an adult though, he’d never had such strong feelings about anyone. Until now.

“I’m sorry for letting you get hurt and I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve pushed you too hard. But honestly, I think I should’ve tried harder to get you to open up. You’re in a dark place, El. I’m not blind; you haven’t eaten as much as you used to and you’re pushing everyone away, not just me. It’s like you’ve lost your spirit...Please, Ellie, I just want to help you.” He said in a pleading tone. “I’ll do whatever it takes, even leave now, if you’d just let someone help you. It doesn’t have to be me or Jack. But please, and I know it may sound selfish, but please, Ellie, I don’t think I can just stand by and watch you destroying yourself.” The last time Nick had cried so hard was when Sofia, his best friend in high school and teenage love, had died. He didn’t know what else he could do to convince her to seek help and _actually_ talk to someone.

Ellie couldn’t take all these emotions which had built up inside of her anymore. All she could think about was how much she’d actually hurt Nick. Her best friend, Nick. She’d never intended to hurt him so much. Tears filling her eyes, she threw her arms around him burying her head in the crook of his neck. “Oh, Nick!” she whispered. “I am so so sorry.”

“I never wanted this to happen. There’s nothing you’ve to apologize for, Nick. Believe me, if anyone has to apologize, it should be me. Sloane assured me that nightmares were a typical symptom of posttraumatic stress and I guess I thought it would stop soon. But ever since I got out of the hospital I keep having these dreams. I’m reliving the past all over again…That bastard standing in front of me, threating to find my loved ones and hurt them if I don’t keep quiet…” she cried even harder than before. “It seems as if every time I fall asleep he finds me in my dreams and tells me that although I’m home again I’ll never be freed from him or these nightmares…I lied to you before. One night after another dream I remember you staying by my side and whispering calmingly in my ear. I remember, Nick. And I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you and I shouldn’t have rejected the only person I could really talk to, the only person who seems to understand me. We’ve been through so much together, Nick, I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”

Ellie was embarrassed, thinking about it now, it all seemed so stupid. How could she believe shutting the only person who really mattered to her, besides her family, would do any good? “It so stupid, but I didn’t intend to hurt you. By pushing you away I only tried to protect you. After all you’ve been through, after years of being undercover and never having a real family, after losing Clay, I didn’t want to drag you down with me. You’re right, I am in a bad place. I wanted you to have a normal life, as normal as it goes with being a federal agent at least.” Ellie could hardly swallow; she tried to get some space from Nick, covering her face in her hands. That wasn’t everything she had to tell him.

Nick could see how difficult it was for her to talk about all of these feelings and the pain she was experiencing all over again although she was supposedly save now. It made him sick to the stomach thinking about the power that bastard still had over her. He wanted to take her in his arms again so badly. He wanted to take the pain away but realized at the same time that there was something else she had to tell him.

“I-I dreamed of you, too, Nick. You see, the only reason I stayed alive so long through all of this pain and the punches was _you_. Thinking about you and how you always make me laugh and help me not to take everything so serious made me stay alive. And I regretted not having had the chance to tell you the truth yet, so I had a mission that kept me alive. But after I thought I was finally free and could breathe again, the nightmares started and my mind started playing tricks on me. I didn’t just dream of the kidnapping but also how I would finally tell you the truth and you’d reject me. You’d tell me how I was not worth it and that I was damaged goods just like the kidnapper kept telling me in my dreams.” Ellie tried to pull herself together but the tears kept streaming down her face. “I know you’d never do something like this. You’d never be so cruel ‘cause although you’d never admit it you’re such a good and generous person. But at night, reality and dream, what my mind wanted to make me believe and what I actually _knew_ , got mixed up. And instead of talking things out with you and telling you the truth about my emotional state, I pushed you further away every time you tried talking to me. I’m sorry, Nick.” The tears wetted her cheeks again; she felt so ashamed and afraid he would never want to talk to her again.

“Oh, Ellie,” Nick was still silently crying. He took her cheeks in his hands and wiped the tears away. “If only I’d known what you were going through. I’m sorry you had to relive all of these terrible things but I’d never hurt you intentionally. Promise me you’ll talk to me about every awkward or cruel thing I do in your dreams _or_ reality.” Weakly smiling he tried to make her laugh. “I want you to know that whatever it is you wanted to tell me, I’ll always be there for you, Ellie. I’ll never judge you or try to change you,” he gathered all the courage he’d left. “El, I know there a lot of things we still have to figure out and maybe this isn’t the right moment but I just can’t hold it back anymore. I need you to know how much you mean to me.” Nick smiled at her shyly. “El, I love you. I love you so much, if never felt like this before. And I don’t mean that just as a friend. I love you with all of my heart.”

Ellie was stunned; she didn’t know what to say. As time went by she had noticed that something’s changed between them. Of course, they were friends before Reeves had died but as they grew closer their relationship changed. Their jealousy whenever one of them talked about another member of the opposite sex, their protectiveness and concern of one another…It was evident that the dynamic of their relationship changed. But Ellie never would’ve dared to hope that he would really have the same strong feelings for her than she had for him.

For the first time since what felt like an eternity, she smiled happily under tears, “Oh, Nick.” He looked at her, seeing the smile on her face he summoned up all his courage to do what he had wanted to do for so long. Nick placed his hands on her cheeks and slowly leaned in to her. Seeing some sort of reassuring sparkle in her eyes, he kissed her. His lips touched hers, slowly and carefully as if he was afraid she could change her mind as soon as they’d touch.

Overwhelmed by all these emotions and Nick’s confession Ellie actually backed away from him. “Nick, I don’t know if that’s a good idea…I’m still healing and probably not in an ideal state for a relationship. Besides, we’re breaking one of Gibbs’ rules here…” she whispered. Honestly, she wouldn’t be breaking Gibbs’ rule #12 for the first time and he’d probably not even care this much but she was still unsure. Ellie was uncertain whether they should really risk their friendship because it meant so much more to her than anything else. She was afraid that if they’d mess it up she would lose him once and for all.

“Nick, I-I realized how deep my feelings for you are when I was trapped in that hell hole…I love you, Nick. But I’m afraid I’ll hurt you eventually. I’m so messed up right now, I barely sleep at night and I don’t want to risk hurting you and risking our friendship. What if I’ll never be like the old me again?” Ellie was so confused. “I love you so much, Nick. I don’t know what to do,” she whispered desperately.

“I know you’re afraid, Ellie, and honestly I am too. But how can something that feels so good be wrong? I know Gibbs has his damn rules, but I don’t care. I don’t want to watch us falling apart and never getting to live the life we long for. I don’t want to go through the same things your friend Tony had to go through. I don’t want to regret not having taken my chances later. I want to live the life I’ve always wished for. With _you_.”

Nick knew her so well he could actually see how her brain was working on overload. He knew she was worried and overthinking everything until there was nothing left to think about. “I know you’re scared, Ellie, but whatever happens I’m still your best friend and I always will be. A best friend who occasionally kisses you and does other stuff with you…” she actually had to chuckle at his words. His distracting tactics seemed to work. “You may not be in a good place now, baby, but I promise you that we’ll work through this together. You’re not alone.”

Finishing his emotional, convincing little speech, he kissed her again. Carefully at first but when she didn’t object he deepened the kiss. Minutes or hours went by, neither of them would’ve been able to tell and neither of them cared anyway. Dizzy from their intense and passionate kisses she distanced herself a little to catch her breath. “I hope you’re right, Nick, because I don’t know what I’d do without you…I love you so much.”

Both of them knew that although they’d finally confessed their feelings for each, there were still obstacles they’d have to overcome. But that’s what life really was about. And Nick and Ellie’s journey wasn’t over yet. In fact, it had just begun. From now on they would face every obstacle in their way together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You like because, and you love despite. You like someone because of all their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities.” – Set It Up


End file.
